Stoned..

I’ve been thinking…and I’m kinda taken back by the situation…am not sure as to how I feel about it all…as caring of a person I am…I can be very heartless…and the extent to which I am and can be…I find it very alarming…not just for myself but for others….

It all started a while back…I noticed that everytime something bad occurred I would always be apathetic towards it all….if someone falls and hurt themselves severely…I couldn’t care less about them…a family loses their house in a fire….ehh why should I give a shit…I understand the enormity of the situation..I just can’t bring myself to bleed any emotions for such events….I’m an emotionless monster I know…

Also I’m a thinking person…so I spend most of my time in my head scrutinizing situations, people and the many conundrums of life….I often put myself into situations I may never or could find myself in…some are off the wall shit that may never occur…or at least I hope would not occur….for instance…a situation where it’s you and a best friend..and it’s either you or them that has to die…meaning they kill you or you kill them….I go over it many times to find a better route…but my first instinct is to kill them…and I have no regrets about the decision…AT ALL!….it’s doesn’t bother me in the slightest…the only problem I would have is that, I’m sorry for how they had to end up in that situation with me…scary I know…

It’s all kind of contradictory though…cause I can be sooooooo caring towards people….even those I don’t know…it’s all so confusing to me…because I can love someone deeply….and at the same time I could bring myself to have absolutely no care in the world for them in a nano second….I guess if you’re in my good grace there’s nothing to worry about…just don’t step out of it :)….(I know many of you will view me differently now, and you guessed it…ehh why should I care…)

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