…..Okay I’ll Admit

Somewhere along the lines of me gaining this greater knowledge in life, trying to figure out life’s purpose and wanting to accomplish great things…I tend to forget myself….who doesn’t right?…but this is about me at the moment…so let’s not get selfish people…sooo..moving along..

There’s a lot I’ve come to know in my life….and there’s a lot that I do not know….I’m always searching for answers to many of life’s conundrums…I do however attain these things…but there’s this one thing….something I’ve always wanted but never seem to have been able to….experience per say…..at times I get gloomy about it..sometimes I turn my back on it, under the impression that it just isn’t meant for me to have..I blame myself for it though….there’s no one else at fault but me..

However though…recently I think I may have stumbled upon it..but my hesitation may cause it to leap out of my grasp…it’s something new to me so am not quite sure how to act towards it…all my life this one thing that has been sort of an urban legend to me(no joke it really has) I may have finally found it….what’s so messed up about it is…that the opportunity for me to have it is slowly slipping away…at least that’s how I feel..I really do hope I’m wrong about it…

I know you guys are just burning to know what it is…some of you may have an idea already..I mean it’s a dead give away…but for the slow folks…it’s a chance to love…and before I move on…let me tell you..that shit is extremely hard for me to admit….I think it’s cause I’ve been cut off from that kind emotion for so long it’s taboo for me to utter…yea am pretty lame…you don’t have to rub it in…..getting back to the subject though..yea I think I may actually have deep feelings for this one…now..my only hindrance is…since I’ve never dabbled in this field of ‘ black magic ‘ …like I said earlier I don’t know how to go about it all….

I know I should ask for help but I wanna learn on my own…(I’m a stubborn idiot I know)…when I came to the realization of the situation…I sat back and smiled…now whether or not I hit or miss with this..it doesn’t really matter…the simple fact that I know now that it’s possible and I have an idea of how it feels is enough for me…I guess it’s a sense of accomplishment..don’t know if that made any sense to you guys but yea…now if I can just conjure up all this courage I have to do some of the things I’m usually afraid to do and concentrate it into making this person aware of how I feel then I’ll be good…

Well…I’ve swam this far in… guess it’s time to dive under…..I’m expecting to drown but I do hope I make it back to the surface :/

 

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