Haven’t done this in a while…………………………………..
Salutations people of the Internet. It’s been a while. From here on I’m just going to write and let whatever comes to mind entertain you (hopefully I’m still good at this). Here goes everything!
He let’s out a sigh, slumped bad at his desk staring at the ivory emptiness laying there intimidating him. He leans forward pen in hand… I’m just f@%king with you guys. I’d be here forever trying to write a story. Although in hindsight that’s not a bad start for one. I impress myself at times. I’m sure the question on the very few of you that still checks up on this bog is… “My n*%@a where the hell have you been??!” “What have you been up to??” “What’s new?“. My answer to all this?…None of your god damn businesssssss!! Ah I’m just kidding. To be honest I just wasn’t motivated enough. I don’t know if it was just laziness or if I allowed what was going on to become bigger than the reason I actually started this blog in the first place.
Let’s see I’m still single. Entirely my own decision, though there were a few flings, but due to my hesitation and fear of commitment all those hitched a ride with some geese for the winter(see what I did there?? *wink wink*) I did learn a valuable lesson from them. My fear is not actually committing to one female, I am highly capable of this. My fear lies in having to become less of me to keep my spouse happy. I know you’re thinking..”What’re you talking about? if you can’t be completely yourself then that’s not the right girl for you” .You couldn’t be more wrong young Padawan, for I am not talking about being less of me in the sense of feeling comfortable enough around someone to let a more intimate/private side of myself out. I’m talking about spending less time on this path that I’m venturing. “If you love someone you’ll make time for them, no matter how busy you are that’s just a cop-out and bullshit and you know it” It could be, but here’s how I look at it. If I claim to love a girl, I m going to make her the center of my attention. She will be treated like a queen because she will have captured the heart of a king (me 😀 ) I won’t smother her or anything like that of course not, I’m just stating that the way I will treat her, she’s going to think that every romantic novelist, the creators of sappy love movie conglomerated and created me. But back to the point. To be at the top of my “game” I can’t allow myself the luxury of having a distraction that is a relationship. It sounds arrogant and selfish and a bit misogynistic but far from it I assure you. Let’s see how can I better explain this. Hmm. As the “good book” states: “There’s a time and a place for everything” and right now I feel I’m at a place in my life that the time for a spouse isn’t now. If I do happen to find “the right one” before then, then I won’t let her get away, those things don’t come around everyday.So until then I’ll be taking that time out to love myself just as much as I would a spouse. Maybe not as much but pretty close.
I haven’t felt creative as I would like to have been these past few years. I felt enclosed and hindered by circumstances beyond my physical control. I still do at this moment. That’s why I’m working on having that changed this year. I made a decision to be the best me I can be everyday, to utilize every waking second of my existence to forward my growth as a person. I’ve been reading a few books on the subject and they’ve opened my mind to the possibilities of who I can become. It’s really exciting to envision a better version of yourself. To picture yourself as someone you yourself would look up to is pretty amazing. You guys should try it. it’s f*@%ing awesome. I feel everyone should do this.If you haven’t any self-esteem and you try this, I assure you after continuously doing this, you’ll be the next Kanye as far as loving yourself goes. Of course you won’t be making hit records and marrying an alluring “piece of work”, but hey if that’s your goal then go for it champ. I’m going to be trying out a few things to help put my mind in a state where I can be creative no matter the situation at hand, because face it and artist with no creativity is better off dead. I have a few projects I’m working this year but my biggest will be myself. I expect to learn a lot from life and myself.
I also wanna enjoy the time I spend with friends. Life can be unpredictable so I think I’d like to savor the moments I have with them. Sometimes though I feel alone when I’m around em. Mainly because I’m the odd one, barely anyone has the same interest as me. If they do its to an extent.I just had a thought. I think I’ll try to make some new friends also..maybe about two or three. Guess I’ll add that to my list. Sorry I strayed. I forgot how relaxing this can be, I’m in a far better mood than when I started. Not that I was feeling bummed out, it’s just relaxing to empty my head y’know. I needed this Maybe now I’ll be able to express myself a bit more again when making music. I’m sorry where was I ? Oh yea, friends. There’s this girl who a friend brings around now, she’s supposed to be a love interest of his but it’s weird. I guess they’ve decided to just be friends or whatever but I kind of get the idea that she likes me. I haven’t brought it to anyone’s attention cause I’ve been brushing it off cause I’m not sure if its my ego or if it’s just her trying to be friendly. We’ll see how that turns out.(he’s probably going to read this depending on whether or not I decide to share this post on any of the social media I’m signed up on. don’t know how he’s going to take it, I think he still likes her a lot…oh well )
I’m definitely not the same person I was when I started this blog. My mind has transformed a great deal in the past 5 years. And all for the better. That reminds me I’m going to become a certified personal trainer and also go for a PhD in business. What do you think? Becoming a personal trainer is more for a project I’ve got coming up. I really enjoy working out. It’s given me discipline and I’ve learned a lot about health.So no this isn’t some experiment to try to make a quick peso. Although those persons do make a lot of guap doing that stuff. I have a lot of ideas I want to remove from my mind and bring to this plane. That’s where the PhD in business comes in. I won’t have the time to go to an actual college so I’ll be searching online for some courses. If you have any suggestions please let me know. I think that’s about it. That wraps up this session folks. Same time next week, please remember to be on time, The quicker we get class started the quicker these things can g– There I go again..I can’t help myself at times. Later guys.