Women in my life

Hallo world :)….today I’m going to share with you a little about the females in my life…I know what you’re thinking…I too wish I was a suave-talking-chick-magnet also…man I envy those guys…but back to the matter at hand…and no this is not a complaint about how much women get on my nerves or how I wish I could bag a lot of em…I think I just lost the attention of  every person that may have wanted to continue reading this post…-.-” but as the French say “C’est la vi” I think:/..if I’m wrong just correct it in your heads…

As men we have a lot on our plates..things like…”when am I gonna get laid?”, “does this shirt smell?’, “oh shit I think she sees my boner!”, and it takes a lot to process these things…especially since we can only perform one task at a time….this is why we make so many blunders..we try to multi task and our brain shuts down causing our blood to flow to our back up which isn’t any better than the one that just shut down (pat yourself on the back if you got that one)

*also I took the liberty of adding some ambiance music while you read so just press play on the little video  here..if it stops before you finish reading just press the replay button  *

*voice in your head* ” what is he yapping about?? o_0??”

I  promise this will all make sense in a few years….. or not:/

In my 20+ years on this spit-ball we call earth, I’ve come across a lot of interesting women…old and young and I would say all ethnicities but I’ve yet to meet an Indian,Russian, German, French, or Dutch chick….I’m working on it though…Okay I think I’ve digressed enough…but yea you get the picture…as I was saying..they’re all interesting….unique in their own way..some more intelligent than others..and some I ask myself “why?”….but interesting nonetheless…with that being said..I’ve learned a lot from them..I’ve had a crush on 98% of them and 99.9%  of them I want to have sex with…(don’t look at me like that…I’m just being honest.. I wouldn’t be a guy if I didn’t) I can’t help that I come across beautiful women all  the  time…what can I say I have great luck with running into them..<—-me being cocky 

I dunno though..I can’t ever seem to get the one I wanted…and  the ones that do want me loses interest…I’m cursed..or just that lame….either, or…it still sucks to be me…wait what am I saying I freaking awesome..psshh me and my self loathing comments…

I have this female that I’m friends with..she’s super cool…and she has a boyfriend but I find myself wanting to fuck  her brains out…it’s weird..I know what you’re saying ” typical guy”….here’s what I have to say to your little thought…FUCK YOU! don’t judge me!…wait this isn’t the first time this has happened to me..how did I let this cycle repeat itself? God, if you’re reading this you’re not funny knock it off buddy…seriously your sense of humor is sick..why would you give me female friends I care enough about to not wanna mess their relationship up cause I’m horny…? sick bastard -.-“….

I  also I have female friends that have boyfriends only because we can’t be together due to long distance<—what I tell myself but I think every guy thinks this…at least the ones that have egos like me…but deep inside this egomaniacal guy I have insecurities about myself…

An example of this is…one of my beautiful female friends I started to grow feelings for..I originally had intentions of only being friends with her..and at the time she had a boyfriend which made it ideal..at least that was the excuse I used to enforce my intent…as I got to know her personally I found myself falling for her..I would shrug it off and put it on the back-burner telling myself “she’s just a friend” but you can only ignore something for so long…recently she broke up with her boyfriend….I shall say no more…I’ve told just about all the females I had feelings for that I did…nothing ever came out of it but I still put it out there cause I didn’t want it to fester…but this time it’s different…I guess it’s cause she’s a bit different from the others…I’m actually afraid to tell her because I’m uncertain about how things would be after it and how things would be if we ended up being in a relationship…how do you tell someone ” I like you but I’m not sure if I would like to pursue you” ?? I know it can be said different but a rose by any other name is still a rose….sugar coating it won’t help…but I think it’s just my insecurity of never being good enough for a female…I am an awesome person…one like no other but my luck in the female department hasn’t been too well…it’s a hill I’m climbing over though

I’m a victim of being exposed to too many beautiful women at once..*sigh*


Rio and Dom’s Guide to Lovin’ the Ladies

It’s a sunny day at the park, the leaves on the trees are a luscious green, summer’s breeze brushes the skin with it’s soothing temperature..birds chirp a choral in the sweetest harmony, nature’s aura saturates the air boosting the hormone levels of us humans..there are people jogging and walking, the eyes of males are fixated on each curve and definition of passing females. Even squirrels are getting in on the action. Here we meet a young male, Calvin, in his early twenties. Our young friend is tall, medium built, flabby arms and a plywood chest. Among his various interests include some things on the nerdy side of life, his favorite sports teams, and numerous music groups that he follows ardently. Yes, our friend is an interesting guy but yet, how is he still single? Is he hideous to behold? Far from it! Calvin is ready to chat and mingle with the young attractive ladies of the world. He then mentions to us (Dom & Rio) that is the actual chatting portion of meeting the opposite sex that he so struggles with. That is why, for his benefit and for dozens of other male internet readers with similar questions, we have assembled a quick reference guide to help you all on your way.

Chapter 1: Introducing Yourself 

#1: You have balls, use them.

The general premise of these tips would be that you, the reader, want to approach a young lady of your choosing and be able to a) converse with her, b) ask her out, and c) hopefully work your way around the baseball field. So the first step is to take your hand, right or left will do, and stick it underneath your underwear. Then feel around down there. You should find what is termed in medical texts as testicles or in colloquial language – balls. Got them? Good. Now utilize the power that emits from them. The power is literally in your hands. There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence, but let’s assume that you are nowhere near that level of cockiness that is known as a douche. The term “grow some balls” is to realize that you need to have confidence in every situation of your life, this upcoming conversation being no exception. Stand up, smile, and walk over to begin chatting up the hot girl that caught your eye.

I couldn’t have said it any better Rio..well maybe just a little better…but that’s not important…what’s important is as stated before, learn to utilize  your gonads…they’re not just pretty decoration my friend…no female  likes a guy who has no back bone….it’s an automatic turn off…this will only get you another date with that porn dvd that you rented…..forget about making a fool of yourself..that happens when you think about not making a fool of yourself…one must be assertive when approaching a female…just observe nature…if a male animal wants to mate he has to be aggressive or else..I’m not saying you revert to your caveman instincts and club her over the head…that part comes in the advance  section of this lecture…

#2: “Hi…uhh…uhh”

So you walked up to said girl. Somehow, the words didn’t start flowing right from your mouth to charm the lady. Isn’t that weird? It isn’t like she is a different animal species or anything, she’s a regular human being who probably (correct me if I am wrong here) likes being with friends, music, and certain types of entertainment such as TV, movies, plays, operas, etc etc etc. So you have zero excuses for not being able to find something to talk about. You have interests too don’t you? Maybe, just maybe, she is also a fan of such things. And if she’s not, she might be willing to hear more about it. Now I know that you are worried about boring her out of her mind. Your collection of mint-condition The Amazing Spiderman comics might not tickle her fancy but guess what? It is going to be JUST FINE BRO. You just move on to another topic or better yet, talk about something she likes.

Rio‘s right once again…the guy’s a regular Mac Daddy….if you eat your veggies and fall on your face a few times you too can be as good as him…to the inexperienced it may seem like rocket science but it’s actually a walk in the park…no really it is…I’ve had my fair share of boring a female to death, having her excuse herself and never returning…it’s a very despondent feeling…but that’s fine….experience is the best teacher….you learn to adapt to such situations….you become more smooth on your tongue…your use of words become prolific…you start to gain laughs..then when you’ve gotten really good at it, she gives you the little cute “giggle of interest”…. the key to all this my friends is BEING YOURSELF…they like that…it makes them feel comfortable and your company for the moment is enjoyable…never be afraid to say the first thing that comes to mind..just as long as it’s not something creepy like ” Can I smell your hair?” or “Wanna see my tooth collection?” …I shouldn’t have to elaborate on the outcome of that…start things off with a simple “hello, you look lovely today”..ladies love compliments…sincere ones though…anything that sounds like a pick up line won’t work..

IMPORTANT: if you’re a beginner do not approach a female that looks angry, busy or down and out..it’s not a good look for you.

#3: What did she say again?

Over and over you hear it in practically every rom-com you watch, but god-damn it buddy, listen to what she is saying. As she is going on about her family, her job, or her day, there might be a good chance that this information is key to understanding what is going on in her head. Females are difficult to understand to begin with, so you are going to need every piece of help you can get. Do not get stuck in what I call the “uh-huh” mindset. She keeps chatting away, while you nod your head and go “uh-huh”, “that’s great”, and “I’m losing my boner here” in an effort to move things along. There is also this thing, you might have heard of it, called body language. If she is gradually putting some distance between you two, that might be a sign that things aren’t going that well or she is getting ready to make a dash to the nearest public restroom. The two might or might be related to one another. But if she is smiling, laughing, and acting overall like a normal friendly human being, chances are you are achieving your goal of not being a creeper.

Yes, I too am guilty of the “uh-huh” mindset…sometimes it can get longueur and mundane quick..this only happens when your mind is if focused on one thing though…or should I say two things…avert your attention from the boobs…yes they look like God took his time to diligently sculpt them..but that’s something to be admired after you’ve actually gotten somewhere…like past the first few dates…it’s not difficult to pay attention and listen to what she’s saying..you just got to take control of the conversation..at the same time making it all about her….women are narcissists whether they like to admit it or not..some more narcissistic than others…say as very little about yourself unless she inquires…now realistically it’s not possible to remember everything she says…but try to remember as much as you can…like what she like to eat,favorite song, something she likes doing etc…when you do remember these things you gain major brownie points..it shows you’re really interested and you don’t wanna just “toot it and boot it”

#4: Don’t Stop Believin’

After your friendly and hopefully flirtatious chat is over, it might be a good decision to ask said lady for her phone number to arrange a future meeting. Acceptable inquiries range from person to person but I find a simple “Hey I had a great time talking to you, and I would definitely like to spend more time getting to know you” should suffice. If she is interested as well, then numbers should flow easily and a date proposed for future confirmation. Congrats you have yourself a potential future date. The journey has just begun, young grasshopper, but you are off on the right foot.

But say she doesn’t want to give you her number. She hmm’s and huh’s and fidgets around while trying to make very awkward sidetalk. No problem good sir. Understand the situation immediately and end the conversation politely and say good-bye. There is no need for groveling or begging here. Just open your eyes, realize there are more girls out there, and start from step #1.

I don’t think there’s anything I can add here…I’d just be repeating what he said…sooo yea… what he said… and you’ll be fine…rejection is normal..take it and brush it off and move on to the next one..women outnumber us greatly…there’s gonna be one who you’ll reel in…the more you fail the more experience you get, the better you get at this… repeat steps 1-4 and you’ll be fine… this is the part where you swallow that knot in your throat, go out and say hi

my first collaborative post :)…hope it was enjoyable for you guys